turn a new page and its time to fly away
http://20_seven.livejournal.com

so it was bbq with the family last night.
the cousins have actully turned out to be quite interersting and rowdy
had quite the entertaining night getting underaged children drunk.
but well thanks all for being there.

sometimes i stop in my tracks and ask myself what in the world it is that i am doing to myself
and what i actually want to get out of it
or expect to get out of this
and the answer still remains unclear.
i'm starting to think that i am simply just chasing the idealistic belief of how i think it can be
but in reality things are far from that utopian vision and i question the desire.

i love you
and i miss you alot.
the you that would laugh and tease
the you that could seemingly do everything
and be up for anything.
i wish i could have you back
but i know i cant
and i go on loving you anyway.

the curtains fall for the last time and as the applause fades and give way to mummurs and whispered chatter the guest file out of their seats. but she remains seated her eyes transfixed on that thick heavy red velvet. around her the noises swirl and she remains oblivious. lost in the darkness of the deep wrenching emptiness that envelopes. inpenetrable, unreachable. her cheeks are wet, stained from salty tears that betray her. she doesnt know how to stand up and keep going. the show is over and she doesnt know how to move on.

its annoys me how my thoughts appear so seemingly impossible to control and how i feel so inexplicably connected to you and how i seem to somehow sense apparent or impending something unpleasant thats about to happen. its that same wrenching feeling in the pits of my stomach, the tightening of my lungs and the fear that explodes inside it. shallow breathing and my heartbeat quickens. the phone rings but theres no answer on the other end. the waiting does nothing but accentuate the turmoil.

finally assuaged my craving for pig organs soup last night. dragged alo and lj down to geylang last night for a decidedly satisfying meal. somehow i still find it a tad hilarious how the three of us always manage to get so lost each time we are together. guess thats what happens when one is not familiar with the roads and the other two have no directional sense what so ever. despite all the wrong turns the company of my two dear friends and how we can talk about anything and everything under the sun never fails to lift my spirits somewhat.

http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2091159787
(above) the edited link for wen's party pictures.

hope and dreams are just for the idealistic stupid naive people.
because more often than not things just fall through
and even the best laid plans fail
and all you are left with is just disappointment.
sorrow and tears are the only certainty

not going to australia has come at an immensely huge expensive cost.
in time to come perhaps i will accept the reality that it was my own actions that brought about this huge degredation
but right now the only thought swirling in my head is how that if i had accepted to place to macquarrie i wouldnt be faced with the shitty grades that are staring me right in the eye
it appears highly probable that i will be made to drop my second major
and to hold in my hand a second upper seems but a distant dream that is not about to become reality

it seems an every greater mockery that the usually nonchalant me actually made the effort to pour dilligently over my books and attempt to get serious studying done.

this has really been too great a price to pay

i hate the hand that i have been dealt.
lord i am sorry but i do.

heres the link to the rest of the pictures
*http://ntu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=5550&id=691146922

found this picture of derek hilarious.

its been shitty and the father is proving to be an extremely difficult patient.
physically tired and emotionally drained.

someone suggested that i should get married so that my husband can share my burden.
that in my opinion is a huge joke.

going a little mad staying cooped up indoors.